i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
