everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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