my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
