I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
