Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
