well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
