what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
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