You're a womanizer and a bitch.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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