There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
