Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
