i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
