Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
