some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
