I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
