Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
