Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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