My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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