OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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