Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Its about making memories worth repressing
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
