Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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