sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
