You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
