yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
