And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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