in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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