I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
