yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
