Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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