I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
