Cold hands, warm shart.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
