This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
