I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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