i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
