i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
