Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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