Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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