i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
