I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
