Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
