Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
