I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
My vagina is very pro this idea
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
