Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
