I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
