well you can't waste a boner
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
