u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
