My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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