it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
