I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
