I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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