Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
