How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
