i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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