dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
